Thursday, May 18, 2006

Let's talk about love PART 4

Early in my blogging, I posted about love and a few of us bantered back and forth over what love really was, or is perceived to be.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently. I asked her if she had ever truly been in love. Her eyes sort of shifted from side to side, she couldn't look me straight in the eye, but she said

"Well, I thought I was, but it wasn't reciprocated, if that's what you're getting at."

Through the course of our discussion, I discovered that she truly believed that unless love is returned, you're not really in love.

"How can you love someone - really - if you don't get that love in return? We all do things that are in our best interest - it's human nature. It's not in our best interest to give something for nothing."



Granny said...

I could think about this one for days.

We often do things against our best interest don't we?

And when we do, is that love or something much darker?


oshee said...

I think part of the nature of love is the willingness to self-sacrifice for the other person. But this is different from falling in love with another. Being 'in love' is different from loving.

When I married my husband I do not know how deeply 'in love' I was. We were truly infatuated and we very much liked each other. The second six months of our marriage tho was very difficult as we worked through how much we really were willing to sacrifice and change to be together. Those sacrifices and changes have to be self initiated or they mean nothing.

We are still married and happily so. And as much as I always love the man, how much I am 'in love' with him varies. I think our marriage will be even better when we can more consistently remember how much 'in love' we wish to be. That takes work. It takes work to constantly be falling back 'in love'. It takes a level of selflessness and trust that wanes a lot less than mine does, even after 11 years of mostly happy marriage.

oshee said...

Hmm..after my extremely long comment to you, I am going to give another!


Only this one is just to say I tagged you with a meme...

Five Things!

Anvilcloud said...

I'm not at all sure about being "in love." The phrase implies a powerless state of passivity. I think there is a whole lot of choice to love. Yeah, I think we choose to love. Alhtough it might sound like it, I'm not truly saying that you can't be in love or fall in love but it takes comittment to remain in love, to walk in love. But I'm rambling and don't really have a clue what I'm really trying to say right now.

smiley said...

Hmmm... Love, it's sooo complecated!

I think love is what YOU feel for the other person, if you really care for them, and are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for that person, that's LOVE. I don't think it has anything to do with whether it's receprocated or not.

ok this may not be the same thing, but what about parents loving kids, do they get anything in return?

megz_mum said...

Hmmm very tricky topic Mr Turtle Guy! I agree with Smiley, also with AC. Love does suggest selflessness in relation to babies, children etc and they don't reciprocate in the same selfless way. Between adults?? Too hard, requires essays to explore that one!Can you truly love someone with this not being returned? Is it then an obsession of sorts, or does it become admiration rather than love?

Ginny said...

I don't think love has to be reciprocated for it to really be love. Now, for the person who loves someone who doesn't love them back, hopefully they are able to get passed being in love and move on to a new person who will love them back.

Oh, and I do not believe that you can only be in love once. I think you can fall in love with someone new. Also I believe love grows over time. I love my husband more today than I did when we were first together.

pissed off patricia said...

Love is when you deeply care about what happens to another person. There are all sorts of ways of showing love depending on who the person is that you love.

Sarah Elaine said...

There are probably as many ways of approaching this topic as there are humans on earth.

I agree that "love" and being "in love" are different... neither of which necessarily requires that it be reciprocal to be true. Anyone who's felt the pain of a broken heart knows the pain is real. How can love be any less real?

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English student, Pottery enthusiast, Yoga novice and lover of all people. I make friends over a warm handshake and a beverage. I discover, every day, someone willing to help me along my path.