Thursday, January 26, 2006

On adoption

Mel was asking me to share my story - my adoption story. It's not all that long or complicated, really. I was born in Edmonton, adopted at 6 months and moved to Calgary. My adoptive parents had my sister two years prior and my mom - having been an only child - vowed her daughter wouldn't experience not having a sibling. It's sure nice to be needed, hey! What was rather unique about the situation is that these people who adopted me were 44 and 45 by the time I came along. Rather unheard of, I believe. None the less, here I am - 36 years later. My sister now has a family of 3 kids (she started at 29. not 44) and all is well.

My parents sold their house last year and moved to a senior's care facility. In the process of clearing out their house, I came across my adoption records. What a neat read. My birth mom was 20, my father 24. She worked as a secretary, he was a farmer. Under the section that lists health history it reads "It is BELIEVED that the father is in good health, having had all the normal childhood diseases - chickenpox, mumps..." This leads me to believe he probably skipped out on my mother. Maybe not, I wasn't there, I can't say for sure.

Have I thought about tracking them down? Thought about it, yes, acted on it, no. Will I? I'm not feeling a burning desire to. I have parents who chose me, and for what it's worth I've had a pretty good life. For that I owe them a big thank-you.

I knew from day one that I was adopted - this was never any secret. On some level I've noticed differences in the way I do things V.S. "the family way", but for all intents and purposes I have a wonderful, loving, supportive family.

Back in 1991 I was visiting a long-time school friend of mine who at the time was living in Markham, Ontario. He had a friend who was adopted and once she discovered I was as well, she couldn't figure out WHY I had no desire to track down my birth mother. She was almost angry at me for not having tried. This didn't make sense to me, because she too had older adoptive folks, fairly well off and she didn't seem to want for anything - including love and support. She had run away from home a couple times - which I never felt compelled to do - and I wonder if it was in some way her cry to find her mom. I visited a couple years later to discover that she had in fact met her mom and that seemed to be all she needed. She had yelled at her something like "how could you!" and once the reconciliation of the feelings had been accomplished, they became good friends.

Funny... I never did ask why.

11 comments:

Mel said...

Thank you for sharing that story. My boys (adopted twins) don't seem at all interested in their biological parents . . . I'm not sure if it's because of their age or because their boys. I can easily track her down, though, when the time comes, if it comes.

Again, thanks. (I'm very nosy.)

Turtle Guy said...

Ha Ha! Yes, but the "interested" kind of way. I guess I didn't mention Troy's daughter... she's a handful! She's the kind of girl (I think she's about 10 or 11) who will just bust in - no matter what you're doing - to see what it is you're doing! All well and fine, unless it's not, if you know what I mean.

when I was 9 or 10 I was sort-of buddies with a kid who lived 2 doors down. He and his dad had moved in from Thunder Bay, so poor Casey didn't have any friends right off. He and I hit it off and Casey would just come on over and walk right in - especially around meal time: "Hello, it's Casey!!" This took my folks by surprise as they had brought me up to believe that ringing the bell was the thing to do when you come to visit.

I can't remember if Casey moved before I did, but one of us went away and we never really kept in touch. I liked Casey. I hope he's doing OK.

Expat Traveler said...

great story. I'd want to know parents only if I was interested in where I came from, more like the ethnic background of sorts. I guess if you have no desire that is up to you...

Bast said...

Hi Turtle Guy! Thanks for linking to my blog - will return the favour!

Thanks also for your story. I had suspicions I was adopted, but too many family resemblances for that to be true. What resonated with me was your parents' age - my mother had me when she was 38, so mine are older also. (Although my Mom robbed the cradle a bit as my Dad is six years younger. Scandalous!)That's a whole different dynamic, having older parents - perhaps another blog theme!

P. said...

Hi Turtle Guy thanks for your kind comments,

My brother was adopted before I was born. My parents were told that conception would be difficult (but not impossible obviously) and that adoption was probably something they should explore. When he was old enough, he did end up doing the research and figuring out who his mother was but I don't think he ever contacted her, I guess just the knowledge made him feel good enough. A few years ago, when we were at my moms place for xmas, he was ruffling through an old box of photos and found a document with his name before he was adopted. It was a very different name than the one he has now. When I heard what it was I was really surprised because I never thought of him with any other name. To hear him saying it out loud and kinda trying it on was a little weird but I could understand his reasons.

Sometimes life takes funny turns but in the end it's who you end up having as friends and family that matters. I have never thought of my brother as an "adoptive" brother, he is always just my big brother and that's how it will always be.

ipodmomma said...

interesting sotry... you sound happy and at the end of the day, that is the main thing...

we have some friends who are just beginning the adoptive process, and I am looking forward to seeing how it turns out...

liked the reader digest idea... right now I feel so icky that is about all I can muster... :)))

Elliot said...

It's interesting you mention this. I am adopted as well, and I genuinely shared the "I've had a great life with my adoptive parents, so I had no need to find my birth ones." But, with goading from my wife a couple of years ago, I went ahead with the search. It is now complete. It isn't the happiest of tales, but it is interesting. I'll relay it at a later date on my blog, and I hope I can make it as concise yet meaningful as your story.

Thanks for the words on my blog, by the way. No one's ever suggested I write a children's book and I resisted the thought of it, thinking that I wanted to be more literary. But, as Bob Marley said: "The stone that the builder refuses, shall be the head cornerstone." So, you and Bob have set me to rethinking...

Turtle Guy said...

BAST Good to see you here! Thanks for dropping in. Which blog theme is that? Robbing the cradle, or older parents?

PATRICK Thanks for stopping in - the reads here are really all over the map - I don't have a set theme. Quite often my posts are inspired by other people's posts!

IPM Sit deep, come often - rest and be well!

ELLIOT - How interesting this caught your eye! I'm looking forward to hearing your story!

Anonymous said...

Thank you!
[url=http://ctrfruur.com/hena/nytm.html]My homepage[/url] | [url=http://xtwqtdwt.com/ksmc/nmpl.html]Cool site[/url]

Anonymous said...

Thank you!
My homepage | Please visit

Anonymous said...

Thank you!
http://ctrfruur.com/hena/nytm.html | http://wrlvsuev.com/qeym/thvc.html

About Me

My photo
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
English student, Pottery enthusiast, Yoga novice and lover of all people. I make friends over a warm handshake and a beverage. I discover, every day, someone willing to help me along my path.