Tuesday, February 28, 2006

When a "friend" is not really a friend

I have this friend, G. Well, G. is not really a friend, more like an acquaintance: a long-time, deeply-rooted-in-my-life pain in the ass to be quite honest.

Have you ever had one of those "friends" who, on the surface embraces you, supports you and makes you feel like they have your "best interest" at heart? They're comforting and reassure you consistently. In the balance, however, they're deceitful. They take from you. They take from you your pride and your sense of well-being. When they've finished laying their influence on you you're left wondering: "Just what kind of friend are you, anyway!?"

This is my friend G.

For years G. and I have had a close, very bonded relationship. In very recent weeks, however, I've come to fully understand G.'s influence and intentions. Events over the last 48 hours have convinced me that G. has to go. For far too long G. has had a negative influence on all of my friends and family - practically everyone I know.

There's part of me that will miss G., but I anticipate not for long. It's extremely difficult - near impossible, it seems - to bring myself to say goodbye.

I know what the reaction will be.

G. will be friendly and warm. G. will reassure me that there is no need to move on. G. is most certainly going to point out the benefits of remaining friends. I'll no doubt hear about how many times G. has "stepped up to the plate" for me.

I'm a bit fearful of the pending struggle. I'm about to break a bond with a friend. Although I have never experienced this directly, I expect it will be much like a divorce - only with no legal implications.

So, as I head into the final stretch - psyching myself up to do the deed, I'm feeling a whole mix of emotions, many of them conflicting. I'm the first guy to give anyone the benefit of the doubt, a second chance as it were.

Not here.

Not now.

Goodbye, G.


ipodmomma said...

yeah, I know that feeling. but at the end of the day, if you feel it's time, then you need to move on...

it is hard to break those kinds of long-standing bonds, but it sounds like you are at the point at which it is time...

will keep you in my thoughts, and I hope it all goes okay...

trying a new template, and it needed a different size of my usual pic, but as you found, then the picture doesn't load very well on the usual blogs...

will try and sort it out, but went back to the regular sized photo... no more problems loading, I hope!

Granny said...

I've had to cut ties that were potentially dangerous for whatever reason. It's never easy.

Andrea said...

I have been seriously rudely burned by people I used to call friends, now everyone is aquaintances and I have only a small handful of people I can really truly call my friends.

I read just the other day that women view friendship as sharing but men view it as doing. hmmm

Anvilcloud said...

There are giers and takers. G sounds like a taker. I guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do. See how profound I can be?

wthenrest said...

I think we have all come to those realizations about "friends" that really aren't, and when they have to be removed from our lives. I guess they are there to teach us about ourselves. When you have learned it then sometimes there is nothing left for them to give you. Sometimes it is just a pain in the ass.

I have had to remove people from my life that I didn't know were being hurtful to me until I learned that lesson. It is always hard because we fear being alone and of people doing it back to us. In the end, of course, it is the true friends that never have to be removed even if they tick you off once in a while.

Laura said...

Whoa, creepy! I am going through a very similar situation with a friend right now too. You hit the nail on the head. I think we all know what's right, just doing it is so hard.

Bast said...

I learned that painful lesson too. Sometimes "friends" gotta go. As I grow older, I become more adept at figuring this out. Is it painful? Not really - by the time I reach that point with the person in question, I have already distanced myself emotionally so much, that it's as much a relief than anything.

Friends come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I've learned some good lessons from past friends, and some have drifted off. A small core remain though, and whenever we're together, it's as if we've never been apart. Those are the gems - cherish them.

Sarah Elaine said...

Hhhmmm.... somehow I missed this post...

I think most of us have been in a similar situation. I have, on occasion, opted for a path of lesser resistance... no announcement, no confrontation... just sliding away quietly while breathing a sigh of relief... I hate confrontation though, so maybe I'm just spineless!

Tiffany said...

Funny that you posted about this as I just ranted on xanga about a so-called friend of mine. I've decided that certain friends have to go, too. I just don't know how to do it. Do you break up with a friend? Or do you just let it fade? In my case, it will be easier to just let it fade, although I don't think that's very fair of me. sigh. I don't know!

Misty said...

Breaking up with a long standing friend is often similiar to divorce because there are mixed emotions and the temptation to "give it one more try".

We have to be friends with ourselves first though, so if someone in our "circle" of friends exhibits consistent behaviour and/or attitudes that go against our belief system or casts an aura of negativity, then we have to make that conscious choice to separate for ourselves in order to continue on our path toward inner peace.

Condonation of a "friend's" hurtful comments or misdeeds ultimately make us "accomplices" - which would ultimately negatively influence our "self-worth".

Making the hard choices is what builds our character further. After all, how do we appreciate and recognize the good things in our lives, if there aren't struggles and barriers to overcome?

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English student, Pottery enthusiast, Yoga novice and lover of all people. I make friends over a warm handshake and a beverage. I discover, every day, someone willing to help me along my path.