Tuesday, October 14, 2008

All the questions come at 5:00 in the morning

...like, "Why the hell am I up... now???" It doesn't matter what the answer is, as long as it satisfies the question:

*Your Dad died and you're clearly not at peace with it.

*Your relationship fell apart, and all you can come up with right now are more questions, not answers.

*In a purely reactive move, you layed a whole bunch of stress on a good friend and now you wish you could press rewind... or apologize, or put that shell to good use.

*You're struggling to find the balance between what to share and what to keep to yourself.

or likely,

*You drank too much coffee yesterday, dummy...


...speaking of coffee, my Mom called yesterday. She invited me down for coffee and cookies. The coffee they serve at Mom's is exceptionally average, so on the way I stopped at the neighbourhood coffee shop for some Cochrane Coffee Traders coffee... it truly gives Timmies a run... and the best part? It too, is Canadian.

We talked about Dad, his absence, his presence, his love and his grace. We talked about who he is - not as a result of his Dementia, not as a result of the worldly factors of stress and social pressure that change or stifle who you really are, but exactly that: who he really is.

The other day I shared with a friend a spiritual experience I had a while back in which Dad's spirit - the essence of who he is - was with me. It was one of those life experiences that would likely have one committed if the details were leaked too freely. Simply put, my Dad and I spent some quality time together. He was free of all the encumbrances of the world, and it has me thinking what life might be like if we all strived to live free while we're here. There seem to be so many petty things that become major life intrusions that, after consulting with Dad (the part that could have me committed, yes?) has me re-prioritising a few important bits.

Sir William has just arrived to remind me that feeding the cat is good stewardship... of the cat. Therefore, I shall tend to Sir William and will write more later.

Turtle out.

3 comments:

ipm said...

oh, I've had a few of those experiences... :)))

just means you're in touch with something beyond the visual... which at the end of the day, really is the most important...

take care of yourself there Turtle. it's a journey, and every bit means something in the long run...

Anvilcloud said...

Yay! You seem to be getting some answers to your early morning questions.

Janice said...

I had the same conversations with my father after his passing. When he passed we were on good terms but of course there are somethings that I needed answers too.

These conversations helped and I could let him move on. When I could I had a good cry and said good bye.

Janice~

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
English student, Pottery enthusiast, Yoga novice and lover of all people. I make friends over a warm handshake and a beverage. I discover, every day, someone willing to help me along my path.